by

The Last Resort (PS-Fiction)

He smirks, I frown

Broken glass everywhere

I slap him hard, he throws me down

The broken glass cuts my skin

 

 

Bleeding and hurt,I’m lying on the floor

He walks out,closing the door.

I’m alone again,left to tend to my wounds

He is with his dumb friends doing tequila rounds

 

 

I struggle to get up on my feet

furious at him

I feel subhuman. The glass has cut me deep

 

 

Two months in love, four months of being courted by the “fake” him

And now I live with a stranger, A monster

A devil in human disguise

Me- stubborn soul

Never backing down

I wanted him to be sorry

A slap for a slap

An eye for an eye

Life for Life

We had some scores to settle

 

 

With each glass piece I took out

Humanity left me, love was thrown out

Transforming into his evil self,

I  could feel myself

I could feel me turning evil

 

 

Every last ounce of love left me

Compassion, mercy I could not comprehend

I was furious, rage controlled me

The last resort had to be taken now,

Nothing else would mend.

 

 

I wanted out of this hell

I wanted him out

I prepared my heart for the final fight

I wanted him out of my sight

 

 

Knives I sharpened

Gun loaded

Me prepared

My old self lay somewhere, murdered…

 

 

He walked in at dawn

Staggering, so bloody drunk.

It was always the same routine….

he’ll shout,I’ll curse

He’ll hit, my sanity dam would burst.

 

 

He shouted, I cursed

He cursed back..

I waited for him to hit me

Waited because I needed the excuse

of insanity, to say that he forced me

to take this drastic step…

 

 

I kept waiting…

And then I knew

I hit him first

He hit me back

I delivered a second blow

He hurled me to the floor..

 

 

I hurt, but I smirk

This was just what I wanted!

Knife out, I stand up on my feet

I grit my teeth

I aim for his heart

I spring forward with the agility of a predator

I pierce the knife deep

 

 

Warm blood on my hands

Knife resting deep in his heart

Our eyes transfixed

Me breathing in his last breath….

emotionless, I’m a zombie

Where is the LOVE I could once feel

 

 

He died in my arms

My humanity died with him

I killed him, so now I was free

But my soul was forever chained…

 

 

The murderess that I was

I dropped next to his dead body

No regrets

No conscience

No feelings

No life to live

Just a strange evil inner voice,

Welcoming Myself To A Newer Hell

by

Confused Ramblings…(for those who have a Heart)

And sometimes in my moments of Insanity, I wish you all the bad luck in the world, I hope I see u suffer, even more than I did, I hope to see tears in your eyes, like I drowned myself in a river of my own… I hope to see you destroyed
And somehow, even that would not suffice..
twisted as much it sounds, how could you forget It’s all your gift..this distorted image of me that you left behind as you walked in,all over, and out of my life..
I want to scream to the world how you messed with me,I want to brake things,esp those that belong to you….I wish I could pierce a million swords through that stone heart of yours…I want to SCREAM!
your silence and coldness has numbed me, this never ending pain has numbed me, all my tries to please you has taken away everything I had and I’m left with nothing but ugly scars to show to anyone who comes that close again,only to be repelled later.
I hope you hurt,and your hurt be 10 thousand times more than me, I wish you could be sentenced in a court where they would consider killing someone’s dreams and hopes as an equally punishable crime to killing a person..

And as the insanity passes, I know I have no solace, no recourse…I don’t want you to hurt, esp not like me. I think i just wish at times that my scarred , broken, beaten heart would stop thinking of you. I guess I just wish to feel whole again, even though, a grim fear grips my soul-telling me its never going to happen…
I’ll never go back to being the whole Me…for you took a lot away..my Love, my Trust, my Dignity, my Passion, my Dreams, my Peace, my Innocence…
An Armour was forged from the fog of the memories of my short life…you allowed me to let my Armour down…so I could reveal the soul it was protecting…and all you did was scorn and scoff at That soul..draw it near to you to only fling it away with such inhuman speed and force…You Took It all and Destroyed everything.
And I wish i could undo all of this, put the Armour back on that soul and “hush away its fears”,tell it to forget what happened,nurse it back to what it was,but I know I can’t…for it was Exposed, it was Naked and its wounds are REAL….I can’t pretend it wasn’t….not anymore! I could as a kid, but not now when it’s all knowing and perceiving. I can’t go back to things before you,because you were too close for comfort, and hence your strikes were more effective…think of it like a patient paralyzed for life..

And all the while, I have to pretend I’m fine on the outside. Just like you!!
I want to stop loving you,and I don’t want it too…
I want you to hurt,and then I love you too much to allow that
I want to forget you, but I want to keep hoping too
I want to hate you, even though I’ll love you always
I want my happy ending, I want it with you
Despite everything, I will always always Want You

 

by

The Deal

They taught us never to lie, never to cheat, being honest, staying away from deceit..
And I tried that, till I discovered…..
The world swoons over plastic dolls,diplomacy and fake attitude..
And now, I’m left with a Lifetime of learning to “Unlearn”

So let’s draw a pact, make a deal-
You lie and be lied to,cheat and be cheated on,be dishonest and embrace deceit;
later, come around and tell me how you feel!
I made my choice, you make yours..

I stay honest, and demand it from all
You be the faker and enjoy your impending fall.
I associate with unabashed truthfulness and sincerity,
You can fraternize with plastic smiles and silicone beauty.
I prefer the solitude of honest men,
You can enjoy the company of deceitful intent..

Let’s conclude- You want to run away,
Because all this sheer honesty is too much to take..
But when you’re fed up with all that’s around you, and fake
Remember, there’s truth not very far away

by

The Joy of Forbidden Things !!!

Oh the Euphoria of  our souls

at doing all things forbidden..

The fun,the glee,the pure joy

of once in a while stepping outside the lines

and breaking the rules written !!

The rush of adrenaline in stealing a kiss

Under the watchful eyes of people who

advised you to give your romance a miss!

The simple ,unpolluted happiness in blowing bubble gums in class

Covering your face with your hands or sometimes

not this way, but with panache!!

Bunking lectures to go for a movie

Believing in love , pure or sappy

Winking at your friend across a sea of people

Noticing secretly how the eyes of your beloved ‘twinkle’

The short stints with all things that the society considers “grown-up”

From Make-up for kids to ‘A’ rated movies and journals for teenagers!!!

The excitement of standing on someone’s lawn

That holds a board reading ” Tresspassers Be Warned”

Of staying out till late , romancing darkness and danger

And retiring to your abode like cattle retire to the manger

Smoking ,drinking,or maybe struting clumsily in ‘high heels’ behind closed doors

Skipping homework,and later bunking chores !!!

Doing forbidden things can be bliss,

as long as we know where to draw a line.

And sometimes, just sometimes, cross them over

curse the rules and the do’s and don’ts defined !!!

by

INTROSPECTION

I cursed the world and cursed my bretheren

I pitied at the faults of my fellowmen

But today I looked in the morror and sighed

Coz today I see there’s no one worse than ‘I’

I tried to correct other’s wrongs

I kept singing nobility’s song.

Today I realised I was no exceptin

I too had committed mistakes and neglected them

with deliberation

I preached about the ways to excel

Questioned other’s conscience while my own

wasn’t doing so well!!!

But today I see there’s no one worse than ‘I’

And I thank the mirror ….Thank it with a SIGH

by

A self proclaimed Fallen Angel

She had fallen from grace

She had no where to go

Sadness adorned her pretty face

Dreams shattered, left with no hope

She walked alone on the empty street

The cold wind kept blowing

Blood oozed from the wounds on her feet

There was no destination,she just kept walking

Her halo stolen,her wings broken

Body bruised and heart bleeding

Fallen from Grace,Cheated in Love

Her head echoed with her own soundless weeping

The cold wind kept blowing

Her wounded feet kept trudging

A pilgrimage to an unknown land

Banished from her known world,on her own demand

No grace,no face

No hope,no love

No voice ,no life

and to think she once soared like a Dove!!

To think it was something as

beautiful as Love that brought her down

It broke her,it hurt her every second

So she tore her angel wings off,just to feel a newer pain

Before the old one drove her insane

But  she was not an angel anymore

She couldn’t live in their world now

she had to banish herself to a life

she had no clue about,knew nothing from before

So off she went,

eyes crying,

feet bleeding,

her angel wings lost

her broken heart painfully living

She walked and walked with no where to go

And thats how she came to be the Fallen Angel!

by

Sober

Take a knife, slash my wrist

Burn my skin with a matchstick

Pierce a sword through my heart

Say a prayer let my sould depart

I am so numb when I’m not sober

Not high,I’m just stuck on the ground

Grounded with grief I don’t want to acknowledge

Do with me as you please,am a dead breathing puppet

Take my hand lead me on

My own senses are so gone

Put your words on tongue

But about my lost voice,What can be done?

Make me stand on the edge

Push me down from the ledge

My feet are so numb

I can’t move,I feel so dumb

Take me to the extremes of pain

you can’t resurrect my senses dead

All your tries are in Vain

I’m not drunk,I’m not insane

Centuries of Intoxication

By the hurt you’ve put me through

And the shame and guilt I felt

Once upon a time….when I used to be SOBER

by

The Difference in Me….is YOU

Some people are nice,

Some people are not.

I dunno what of these am I

Maybe am  little bit of Both!!

Sometimes I like to Laugh,

And some days I don’t even wanna Cry.

Some times I just talk and talk,

And some days I won’t even smile!

No I’m not so complicated..always,

and I’m definitely not fake.

But you can have your own opinions

It’s not mine;but YOUR choice to make.

Some people will be your friends forever,

Some people will just never be there!

Some say I’m good,some say I’m bad

Bet they’ve been talking since…*uggh* who cares??!!

Some days I shout your name just to say a HI

Sometimes I don’t acknowledge your Goodbyes!

I laugh when you’re not funny,and roll my eyes at your jokes,

I party,drink,smoke,but am also into books!!

I know I have a crazy life

But you know what’s the difference in me?

It’s when they say I’m weird,always wrong and stupid,

And YOU say you love it,I’m just being ME!!!

They poke fun and I get hurt.

Their questioning, accusing eyes make me burst..

It all changes when you come to nurse my bruised ego.

YOU become my armour, I’ll be mad if I ever let you go!!

Yes my life could be a little complicated,

And at times I maybe a little too headstrong.

I talk a lot,act crazy,get in all kinds of trouble,

But that’s cause  I always have you, who’ll love me still,all life long !!<3

You are there to always pull me up, when others try to throw me down.

You let me do things at which others would frown!!

You encourage me to make mistakes,do everything,go everywhere,

And I will,coz you’ve already promised,

you’ll always be waiting,you’ll always be there :) ))

by

She Is The Kind Of Girl….

She’s the kind of girl,

Who always keeps a part of herself hidden from everyone.

coz  she knows she’ll be judged ,but understood by none.

She’s the kind of Girl,

Who laughs with all and cries in the solitude of her loneliness.

Coz some pain are too complicated and some mistakes too shameful to confess.

She’s the kind of girl,

Who loves too much too deeply,like a total fool.

And gets her heart broken,coz she did not follow the rules.

She’s the kind of girl,

who whenever you needed her,there she’ll be.

but she knows you won’t do the same as you’re never free.

She’s the kind of girl,

Who has had her fair share of troubles and lived life like a trial.

Some of them so terrible that she lives each day in denial.

She’s the kind of girl,

Who loved and lost,laughed a little and a little more cried.

Used to be scared of herself,but knows now she can no longer hide.

She’s the kind of girl,

Who wears a smile to deny you any pleasure from her pain.

Who stays silent coz there are really no words to explain.

Who does up her eyes so you don’t see she was crying last nite,for you.

Tries to act as casual as she can so you don’t know she’s falling for you.

She isn’t anyone that you probably know

or maybe she’s someone you know…but not really know!!!!